No Right to Love
Resting in the night sky, the moon emerged and withdrew as the soft clouds drifted about. Like a wave rippling in the sea, the grass and trees were stirred as the cool night breeze swept pass.
Underneath the dark sky, Hua Zhu Yu was like a small shimmering star.
“I’ve thought it through. I’ll agree to the marriage proposal from Rui Wang Dou Qian Jin,” Hua Zhu Yu slowly said as she laid back and rested her head on her arm as she faced the night sky.
Standing beside her, Xiao Yin’s tall slender figure was illuminated by the moonlight, half his face concealed in darkness. He was startled by Hua Zhu Yu’s decision as he turned to stare at her. A complex emotion materialized in his deep eyes, flashing traces of anger and pain.
“Yatou1, you truly want to marry Dou Qian Jin? You want to leave me just like that? Without even a trace of reluctance?” Xiao Yin asked in a low voice, tinged with bitterness.
When he realized Hua Zhu Yu was his sister, he began to call her yatou in a voice full of tenderness and intimacy, as though he had always called her that. These past few days, he would always bring her with him when he went hunting and horse-riding on the grasslands. He safeguarded her and would find every way to please and cherish her.
He flatly rejected Dou Qian Jin’s and Western Liang’s proposal without even asking her opinion. At first Hua Zhu Yu thought he would use her as a political pawn but unexpectedly, he didn’t.
It was beyond her expectations so she was quite surprised and even a little touched.
Though she really wants to leave, in the depths of her heart there was a hint of reluctance, but she could not stay here any longer.
“Sooner or later I’ll have to start a family, not to mention Dou Qian Jin doesn’t seem too shabby. If I refuse, it would be hard to find a good man like that later on. Furthermore, if I marry Dou Qian Jin, I can solidify an alliance for Northern Kingdom and Eastern Yan.” Bai Ma Furen said that if she wanted to safely escape, she should take advantage of the period when she is sent off for marriage to leave. If she rush to flee, she would not be able to escape from Xiao Yin’s grasp.
Xiao Yin turned around to look at her. Though his face was as cold as before, he softly advised, “Yatou, you don’t need to do anything for the Northern Kingdom. I only want you to live a free comfortable life. You really like Dou Qian Jin? Since when? I don’t believe you would develop feelings for a stranger that quickly!”
“Actually, I began to admire him during the festival after he braved the dangers to bring back a snow lotus for me,” Hua Zhu Yu said as she looked at Xiao Yin, whose face instantly became a little pale.
With a complex expression on his face, he stared at Hua Zhu Yu, like he had something to say, but in the end he could not say a single word.
“Love at first sight?” He asked through clenched teeth in a cold voice that could freeze the surrounding air.
He looked up towards the moon and crossed his arms. He silently stood in the darkness for a long time, not uttering a word.
The moonlight descended on his slender figure, covering him with an icy mist, making him appear cold and desolate. Extended by the moonlight, his shadow took the form of a lonely hawk.
He stood there in silence for such a long time Hua Zhu Yu thought he had turned to ice but then he turned around and slowly said, “Yatou, I had once made a vow in this life that as long as it’s something you desire, even if I have to cross mountains and brave seas and fire, I would still bring it back for you. If you truly want to marry him, then I will inform Imperial Father, and say… say that you have agreed to the marriage with Dou Qian Jin.”
It seemed as though he had used up all his strength to finish that sentence. When he was done, he walked away without looking back.
Hua Zhu Yu watched his lonely figure fade into the night. Hundreds of complex emotions surfaced in her heart.
In the following days, Hua Zhu Yu did not see Xiao Yin. You could also say that Xiao Yin did not come to see her.
Ultimately, the wedding day arrived.
In the early morning, the bridal servants had woken Hua Zhu Yu and began to dress her up.
Since Bai Ma Furen was considered her wet nurse she also arrived in the early morning. She stood in front of the bronze mirror and carefully brushed Hua Zhu Yu’s hair with a comb.
“Princess’ hair is very beautiful, smooth like satin.” She lowered her head and sighed, perhaps she was thinking of the real Zhuo Ya princess.
Hua Zhu Yu also felt some sourness in her heart. She let Bai Ma furen comb her hair into a gorgeous bun. Then she donned an extravagant red dress and quietly sat in front of her makeup table. The sunlight seeped through the window and shone over her red dress, creating a dazzling sight.
The auspicious time soon arrived as a group of bridal servants surrounded Hua Zhu Yu. Unexpectedly, the door was suddenly slammed wide open as Xiao Yin stumbled in.
“You…. All leave!” he said as a strong scent of wine escaped from his mouth.
“Your Highness, what are you doing?” Bai Ma Furen worriedly asked as she went to support Xiao Yin’s arm.
“His Highness drank throughout the night and is intoxicated!” replied Hui Xue who was standing behind Xiao Yin.
Hua Zhu Yu gazed at Xiao Yin in surprise through the pearl tassels of her phoenix crown. This was the second time she had seen him drunk, the first was at the festival. Though she didn’t know if he was truly drunk then, she was certain he was truly drunk now.
A bright smile bloomed on his face as he continued to chuckle enthusiastically. His pair of purple eyes were muddled and hazy from the wine.
“You people… all retreat, I want to.… talk with yatou.” He forced everyone to leave the room and closed the door tightly behind them.
He then turned to look at Hua Zhu Yu and slowly approached her as he continued to laugh.
“Dan Hong, no, yatou, my mei mei, no that’s not right, silver faced Asura…. Today, you are exceptionally beautiful!” He pushed the pearl tassels aside and flashed a bright smile.
Hua Zhu Yu was scared speechless by his words, Silver Faced Asura!
When did he know she was Silver Faced Asura?
Many thoughts quickly flashed through Hua Zhu Yu’s head when she suddenly remembered the time she had left for Liangzhuo. When she had returned she met him hunting in the middle of the night. At that time she didn’t think much about it but thinking back now perhaps he had also went to Liangzhuo. Then he must have also seen Silver Faced Asura disrupting the execution and must have realized she was Silver Faced Asura.
It’s just, he had never inquired about her past. Perhaps, he never put much importance on her identity.
After he finished speaking, Xiao Yin lifted his hand and yanked the phoenix crown from her head while his other arm pulled her into his embrace.
‘No matter who you are, you are the one I love most, love most…” He greedily stared at her face, his intoxicated eyes were like that of a wild beast that wanted to swallow her whole.
“Did you know I once really despised you, despised the fact that you replaced Wen Wan. I also came to admire you. Till that night when I saw you in agonizing pain because of the poison….seeing you hurt like that, it was a thousand times more painful for me. At that moment, I realized… I don’t know since when but I started to feel something for you…. You began to occupy my heart. It’s just I was too late to realize it. You’re like a poison, unconsciously drawing me into the depths of darkness. Once I realized, it was far too late, I could no longer retreat. Why did you turn out to be my sister?”
“Why?!” he asked. Grief overflowed from the depths of his eyes, making it unbearable for others to look at them.
“Why do the gods toy me like this! They won’t even allow me the right to love you! It’s fine if you are my sister, as long as I can see you each day, I shall cherish you. I will forever cherish you and love you, but why must you marry, why must you leave my side!” he held tightly onto Hua Zhu Yu’s waist, confining her in his embrace.
Towards the word love, Hua Zhu Yu was a blank piece of paper.2 She had once admired Ji Feng Li but she had never felt that she loved him. But seeing Xiao Yin like this, her heart felt a little stifled.
Perhaps she was not completely heartless towards Xiao Yin. But now, she didn’t have the right to love anyone.
She struggled and quickly pushed Xiao Yin away.
A drunken Xiao Yin was not Hua Zhu Yu’s opponent. He stumbled back and his sleeve brushed against the table, causing everything on it to come tumbling down.
As if the fall had sobered him up, he crouched on the floor and continuously beat his chest. His ink black mane toppled over, covering his face. Seemingly, drops of tears fastened onto his hair before tricking down and speckling the carpet with budding flowers.
- yatou could mean little girl or servant girl. It is usually used as a term of endearment.
- this means that she hasn’t had any experience (with love)
Honestly when I first read this chapter I kinda felt bad for XY even though he has done so much terrible stuff to our FL. But considering his status and how the Southern Emperor went back on his word and bestowed XY a marriage with some random girl he has never met before instead of the person he chose and even used that opportunity as a means to wage war with his Northern Kingdom, I kinda understand why he would act that way. He lashed out his anger on our FL who he considered as an enemy since she was from the Southern Kingdom. And since I know what’s gonna happen in the future I felt even worse for him when I reread this ch. Am I too soft-hearted? What are ya’ll’s thoughts on XY at this point?
As for our FL, she kinda just became a victim in all these political conspiracies. And honestly, at this moment I think she mostly feels guilty towards XY since his sister died in her place and Jin Se’s last wishes were to find her family and the fact that XY has been treating her really well since he thinks she is his sister. I think she is a little reluctant to leave just because her life in the N. Kingdom is so peaceful and perhaps she’s not ready to go face her enemies.