Maybe it would’ve been better had she woken up later, then she wouldn’t have overheard this conversation.
Pressing her hands against the bed, Xuan Ji tried to sit up. Her gaze fell coldly on the tall, indifferent figure of a man standing before her.
From the moment she heard the news of her pregnancy, she was overwhelmed by different emotions. Happiness, shock, fear, and panic all came rushing at her at once. Never had she realized that human emotions could be so complicated. Nevertheless, the initial feeling was still one of unspeakable joy and excitement.
She was with child, his child, a child of the man she loved, a child of their own. But the innocent joy and excitement she felt had been abruptly crushed.
It was evident that he did not feel the same as she did.
After some time, Long Fei Li turned around but Xuan Ji did not meet his gaze. She couldn’t bear to witness the look in his eyes for she was scared and also disappointed.
Judging from the vicious tone he had used to question Physician Lady Cui, Xuan Ji could already feel the coldness emanating from him.
“I asked you, did you personally watch Concubine Nian drink the medicine? My patience has its limits, don’t make me ask a third time!”
This question fell harshly on Xuan Ji’s ears.
She had already answered him yet he didn’t believe her! He must think she was like those other women in his harem, constantly scheming to bear his child and rise in the ranks.
But she understood, she was clear on the fact that it didn’t matter if a woman had the Emperor’s child or not, if he didn’t love her, it changed not a thing.
Xuan Ji gripped the frame of the bed to steady herself as she felt the throb of a headache. She hugged her abdomen involuntarily as her stomach tightened. Both of her hands and feet were icy cold.
Trembling in fear, the physician kowtowed and pleaded, “Your Majesty, please forgive me. Don’t blame Her Highness, she had indeed finished the bowl of medicine. It’s this servant who’s to blame. At that time, Her Highness was injured. Fearing that the contraceptive medicine might harm her health, this servant had decided to reduce the dose. But generally speaking, the dose should have still been enough….”
Today’s events were caused purely by Physician Lady Cui’s act of kindness.
Xuan Ji chuckled bitterly, then said in a low voice, “Your Majesty, did you hear that? Physician Lady Cui isn’t the one to blame. The fault lies with Xuan Ji. Inside of me, your seed is too stubborn, even medicine couldn’t kill it. “
She lifted her head and her frosty gaze rested on his face. Seeing her pale complexion, her eyes that stared at him with such coldness, Long Fei Li was suddenly at a loss.
“I’ll only ask you this, you don’t want this child, do you?”
He watched as she gazed down at her stomach, as the delicate hand that rested there tightened ever so slightly. In that instant, his mind drew a blank and he couldn’t look away.
Gritting his teeth, he forcefully tore his gaze away and answered, “That’s right.”
“Hmm.” In fact, she already knew his answer but she couldn’t stop her heart from sinking. Xuan Ji laughed as she stroked her stomach. “Long Fei Li, I want to keep it, but I know that I don’t have the power to do so.”
“Hmm, if you don’t want it, then you don’t want it. Perhaps it’s better this way.” She felt her nose start to sting as tears fell from her eyes onto the back of her hand. She continued to murmur, “It’s better this way, it’s better this way.”
If she were to have this child, how could she leave him, how could she be able to escape?
Within his sleeves, Long Fei Li’s hands were balled into tight fists as he held himself back from rushing to her side and pulling her into his arms. He had never been one to hesitate no matter the situation. He was always one to quickly grasp the heart of the matter and take action.
But with her, he found himself riddled with uncertainty.
Reason told him that he couldn’t keep this child. According to his plan, it would not be long before the collapse of the Nian family. At that time, the decision of whether or not he would kill her would already be difficult enough, much less her child.
There has never been a woman like her who has made him so angry and confused. He himself didn’t quite understand what she meant to him.
But he had made a decision long ago. Regarding Minister Nian, the Empress Dowager, the Feudal Lords, and all the foreign enemies, he was willing to make a gamble with his empire and his life. Should he lose, both would be lost. But should he win, he would take Xin Yi as his consort and proclaim her son as his crown prince.
Balled tightly within his sleeves, his fists began to hurt but he couldn’t help himself from gazing at her face.
Then all of a sudden, he saw her get up from the bed and put on her shoes. Her wet clothes had been changed by the servants and currently she was only in a light inner robe which left her delicate collarbone exposed.
She went to Physician Lady Cui and helped her up off the ground. With a gentle smile, she said, “Go brew another bowl of medicine for me.The dose mustn’t be reduced this time.”
Hearing this, the physician was shocked and murmured, “Your Highness…”
The Emperor had already spoken but seeing the tears in Xuan Ji’s eyes, Physician Lady Cui’s heart stirred with sorrow and she found herself unable to move.
Xuan Ji let go of her hand and leaned against the bed, speaking in a hoarse voice, “Go. You mustn’t divulge this matter to anyone else.”
She stared calmly at the floor before continuing, “Long Fei Li, I only ask you one thing. I, Nian Xuanji have never been pregnant and Physician Lady Cui doesn’t know anything.”
Physician Lady Cui felt her heart stir. She didn’t understand why the Emperor didn’t want the child but she knew that this was no small matter. She also knew that Xuan Ji was afraid that the Emperor would try to silence her and was pleading with the Emperor to spare her life.
In a moment of hesitation, she looked towards the Emperor for an answer but he remained cold and indifferent, his eyes never leaving Xuan Ji for even a moment.
Biting her lip, the physician decided it was best to do as she was told and left.
With her departure, the room fell silent.
Long Fei Li stood there in an air of coldness while Xuan Ji stood rooted in place smiling frostily in return. Like the present atmosphere in the room, her heart was frighteningly quiet, seemingly dead.